Today, right now I should be at church!!!! I am very very very frustrated. But even if I was at church I think I would be more of a distraction than a help. I was fine this morning, but right toward the end of practice I got a real sharp pain in the left side of my abdomen. If any of you have ever had a ovarian cyst burst or rupture you know what I’m talking about.  This was probably the worst that I’ve ever experienced. I can’t tell you the details. But I’m aggravated about it because I really felt like something awesome was going to happen in church today. The chorale has been learning I Need You by Tye Tribbett. It is an incredible song!!! I felt the Holy Ghost all through out practice and I just knew that it was going to really bless the church!!! And now I’m at home because of all this PAIN!!!! I’ve been laying down singing this song to myself! Even though I can’t be at church today the message of that song is still the same!

I can’t breathe without you, and I won’t last with you, I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU!! And I won’t last without, I know that I would fail alone! I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU!!!

Even sitting here at home, in pain and wanting to be at church. I still feel the Holy Ghost! Maybe it’t not fair, but life never is. I don’t know, maybe there’s a lesson in all this somewhere and I just don’t see it.  But I have no one else here with me today, except God. I know I can lean on Him. I actually thank my father for having the foresight to send me home, even though I wanted to stay, for all the wrong reasons too!! I wanted to stay because the choir is supposed to sing that song and I sing the solo part on it. But how selfish am I to think that God can’t move if we don’t sing that exact song?!?!  There are many willing vessels to be used! Not just one! Not just me!! Yes, God does at times use me to minister in song, and there’s nothing as good as that feeling!  I still know that church is going to be awesome! I’ve felt it all day! If God has something for the church today it will get said, get sung, get across in one way or another.

Even though I’m upset about my current situation, I know God is here with me. And He has helped me so much through out this whole ordeal. From the very beginning! I’ve never walked a day without Him being there. And it helps to keep a positive attitude. God has already delivered me from the chains of depression and anxiety, so I know that whether it be through prayer or through modern medicine that this too will get taken care of. And if not, then it’s a part of life that I have to deal with. At least until I have children!!! After children – it’s all gone! yay!!  God is a constant source of strength.  No matter what God is Good! All the time, God is GOOD!